


Being angry

by orphan_account



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I'm sorry but I needed to write this, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 07:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7304758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mainly written for myself. Dealing with the aftermath of a loved one's suicide isn't fair, and sometimes, you just need to be angry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being angry

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I know this isn't the sort of thing I should write, but.. Well, screw it.

Even on the worst of nights, Cat bothered to pour her drink into expensive crystal and sip from a glass. She paid for it, she reasoned, so she might as well use it.

But there was one night a year that she forsook the glassware and drank straight from the bottle. Carter was always safely with his father, away from her reckless and self destructive ways, and the office was always clear. She couldn't stand to be home. On this one night, Cat did not want familiarity or warmth.

So with an extra pair of clothes tucked away in her desk, Advil stocked, and the couch promising a night of fitful sleep, Cat took another swig from her bottle of whisky, relishing the burn. It was an awful brand, but Cat couldn't bring herself to care. She wasn't drinking it for the taste, anyways.

"Miss Grant?" a voice, sweet and wary, came from behind her and a Cat forced herself to turn around. Supergirl looked so irritatingly worried and Cat had half a mind to yell at her about private property and whatnot, but even halfway to black out drunk, Cat knew the girl wouldn't buy it. Not even for a second. "Are you alright?"

Cat waved lazily at the bottle. "Doing just fine. And how are you, Kara?"

"We've talked about this, Miss Grant," Supergirl insisted, but Cat waved her off.

"Cat," she corrected. Kara was looking at her with so much pit in her eyes and Cat wanted to scream at her for that, but she didn't have the energy. Nor did she want to lose what little dignity remained to her. "And can we just pretend you're her for a moment? Because I am too tired to keep up with this facade and you could at least humor a drunk."

Kara hesitated a long moment and Cat was positive she was going to refuse, but instead the hero took another step forward onto the balcony and nodded. "What's going on?"

It was such a simple question, so innocent. It wouldn't be fair to unload, but after so many drinks, Cat's filter disappeared. There were so many reasons why she shouldn't, but Kara wasn't her assistant anymore. Cat wouldn't have to face her directly in the morning and even though seeing Kara at all would be horrible, half the bottle was already coursing through her bloodstream.

"On this day, thirty-three years ago, my father committed suicide," Cat said with a fake casualness and a click of the tongue.

It took half a breath for Supergirl to be by her side, one hand in her bath in a symbol of reassurance. Cat could feel Kara physically restraining herself from enveloping Cat in a hug, and an embarrassingly large part of Cat wanted to just fall into Kara's arms and stay there. Years of building emotional walls kept her in place.

"I know you're not supposed to say this, and I don't mean it like how it's going to sound," Cat said sourly before brining the bottle back up to her lips, "But it was so selfish. So fucking selfish."

"I'm sure--"

Cat huffed angrily and shook her head. "I've heard it before. I know."

"Cat--"

"I was seventeen years old," Cat hissed. This was her one night to be angry with him for leaving her alone with Katherine. For choosing to alleviate his pain at the cost of hers and yes, of course she understood the gravity of his pain, but he hadn't been able to hold on for her and once a year, Cat needed to be angry over that. "I am not saying he was a bad person. I am not saying he meant to be. But I needed him and he wasn't capable of seeing that. So I get to the be mad."

The look of pity was more than Cat could bear and she knew she was crying once Kars reached up and brushed away a tear. "Okay." Somehow, Cat found herself wrapped in Supergirl's arms, shaking quietly and trying to push down tears. "Be mad if you need to," Kara whispered into her hair before dropping a kiss to her hairline.

"I loved him so much," Cat whispered as she felt Kara's grip around her tighten. "So much."

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty of bad about yourself in any way. But as someone struggling really, really hard to be there as support... People love you and it is absolutely selfish of us, but we need you to stick around. I don't know how to phrase it, but sometimes the support systems need support, too.


End file.
